And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
