Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize