it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
