you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
