I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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