I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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