he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
