My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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