Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
