"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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