I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
