I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
