I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
third nipple confirmed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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