Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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