Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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