Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
