I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
