Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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