I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
