1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
