i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
