I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
