last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
