Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
