my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
