I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize