She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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