The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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