I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
