you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
