Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
