I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
