either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
