I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
