I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
