i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
