I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize