she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
