hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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