My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I look better un-naked...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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