You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
