im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
