just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
