Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
