Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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