So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think your dad took our porno
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
