quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
