Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
high people should be assigned attendants
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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