i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize