you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
