"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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