I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
