explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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