I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
