So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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