Umm I'm too high to move.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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