i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize