i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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