Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
