apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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