I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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