im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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