the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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