what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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