We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
