you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
