I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
