Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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