I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
