This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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