It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
