my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
