why do cheetos always look like penises
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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