haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
