some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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