I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
