I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
