no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i will never coherently bang her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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